History of Wedding Traditions
History of Wedding Traditions
Virtually every part of a wedding, from the engagement to the
honeymoon, has rich history. Cultural roots, ancestry, and religious
beliefs have shaped marriages for thousands of years. The following
descriptions will provide you with a brief history of various wedding
elements.
The First Marriage Rites
From the time of Adam and Eve, the relationship between a man and a
woman has been unique and ordained by God. Eve was created for Adam and
to complete his need to companionship. Our earliest records of history
depict unification between a man and a woman and their respect for a
higher being. It wasn't until Abraham disobeyed God that other women
came into the picture and left generations of unrest for those who
chose to take more than one wife
The Bachelor Dinner
More commonly known today as the bachelor party, this celebration in
the groom's honor was originally called the bachelor dinner, or stag
party. Like many other wedding traditions, the custom has stood the
test of time. It first came about in the fifth century, in Sparta,
where military comrades would feast and toast one another on the eve of
a friend's wedding. Even today, a bachelor party customarily takes
place quite close to the actual wedding date, as it has become known as
the groom's last taste of freedom. Despite the risqué entertainment
that is associated with stag parties today, bachelor parties have not
always entailed this controversial element. Although rowdy and
boisterous, bachelor parties are traditionally organized to allow the
jittery groom and his wedding attendants to release some anxieties
before the big day.
The Wedding Party
During the "marriage by capture" era, close friends of the groom-to-be
assisted him when he kidnapped the bride from her family. The first
ushers and best men were more like a small army, fighting off the
brides angry relatives as the groom rode away with her.
Bridesmaids and maids of honor became more common when weddings were
planned. For several days before the marriage, a senior maid attended
to the bride-to-be. This maid or matron of honor, as we know her today,
ensured that the bridal wreath was made and helped the bride get
dressed. All bridesmaids helped the bride decorate for the wedding
feast.
For a long time, bridesmaids wore dresses much like the bride's gown,
while ushers dressed in clothing that was similar to the groom's
attire. This tradition began for protection against evil rather than
for uniformity; if evil spirits or jealous suitors attempted to harm
the newlyweds, they would be confused as to which two people were the
bride and groom.
Wedding Flowers
Before the use of flowers in the bridal bouquet, women carried aromatic
bunches of garlic, herbs, and grains to drive evil spirits away as they
walked down the aisle. Over time, these were replaced with flowers,
symbolizing fertility and everlasting love. Specific flowers have
special meanings in many cultures. In Hawaii, the bride and groom wear
leis; newlyweds in India don floral headdresses.
The Wedding
The wedding is one of life's primeval and surprisingly unchanged rites
of passage. Nearly all of the customs we observe today are merely
echoes of the past. Everything from the veil, rice, flowers, and old
shoes, to the bridesmaids and processionals, at one time, bore a very
specific and vitally significant meaning. Today, although the original
substance is often lost, we incorporate old world customs into our
weddings because they are traditional and ritualistic.
Old world marriage customs continue to thrive today, in diluted,
disguised and often upgraded forms. Customs we memorialize today were
once "brand new" ideas. Although historical accuracy is hard to
achieve, the historical weight attached to old world wedding customs
and traditions is immense. While reading through these pages, feel free
to use, reinterpret, or omit them in your own wedding.
Remember, as you plan for your wedding, to create new family traditions
and customs to be handed down to your children and their children. Just
think, maybe someday, your "new custom" will be as unique and exciting
as these presented here.
Wedding History
Up to and during the Middle Ages, weddings were considered
family/community affairs. The only thing needed to create a marriage
was for both partners to state their consent to take one another as
spouses. Witnesses were not always necessary, nor were the presence of
the clergy. In Italy, for example, the marriage was divided into three
parts. The first portion consisted of the families of the groom and
bride drawing up the papers. The bride didn't even have to be there for
that. The second, the betrothal, was legally binding and may or may not
have involved consummation. At this celebration, the couple exchanged
gifts (a ring, a piece of fruit, etc.), clasped hands and exchanged a
kiss. The "vows" could be a simple as, "Will you marry me?" "I will."
The third part of the wedding, which could occur several years after
the betrothal, was the removal of the bride to the groom's home. The
role of the clergy at a medieval wedding was simply to bless the
couple. It wasn't official church policy until the council of Trent in
the 15th century that a third party (i.e., a priest), as opposed to the
couple themselves, was responsible for performing the wedding. In the
later medieval period, the wedding ceremony moved from the house of the
bride to the church. It began with a procession to the church from the
bride's house. Vows were exchanged outside the church (by the way, the
priest gave the bride to the groom...I don't think she was presented by
her father) and then everyone moved inside for Mass. After Mass, the
procession went back to the bride's house for a feast. Musicians
accompanied the procession.
"Let's Tie the Knot" or 'Let's Get Hitched"
Tying the Knot, an old term for a ritual now being renewed in our
weddings today. Not new-age or western-slang about 'hitchin' up yer gal
like a horse'. Although the term hitching was a rope making process
used for tying up horses with ancient old world roots, it is
undoubtedly associated with 'tying the knot'. These terms are analogous
with a proposal of wedlock. The term Tie the Knot came from the
Renaissance Ceremony called "Handfasting". 'Handfast' and its
variations are defined in the Oxford English dictionary as "to make a
contract of marriage between (parties) by joining of hands." This could
also be interpreted today as a proposal of marriage for a specific
period of time, traditionally a year and a day. A Hand Fasting ceremony
is incorporated into formal wedding ceremonies and sometimes done at or
as an Engagement Party.
Handfasting
The old way in Great Britain for couples to pledge their betrothal was
for them to join hands, his right to her right, his left to her left,
so from above they looked like an infinity symbol. Done in front of
witnesses, this made them officially "married" for a year and a day,
following which they could renew permanently or for another year and a
day. This was called "handfasting" and was used extensively in the
rural areas where priests and ministers didn't go all that often.
Sharing a cup and pledging their betrothal in front of witnesses used
to accomplish the same thing (usually done in taverns) but was
eventually outlawed in most of Europe. In fact, the reference I got
that from mentioned only Switzerland because that country was one of
the last to stop recognizing it as a legal marriage. Handfastings
(ancient word for weddings) were traditional before weddings became a
legal function of the government or a papal responsibility taken over
by the formal religions in the early 1500's. The very word Handfasting
derived its origin from the wedding custom of tying (or hitching; see
section below) the bride and groom's hands (actually their wrists, not
hands) together, as a symbol to their clan, tribe or village of their
decision to be bound together in family living. The traditional length
of time was a year and a day, or 13 moon cycles. If the marriage proved
to last over this period of time, then the vows would be renewed for a
lifetime or they renewed them for "as long as love shall last". Often
during this (trial) period of time the bride would be referred to as a
Virgin, or 'a woman not owned by a man'. The wedding would be best
arranged during the time of the new moon, for the new moon symbolizes
new beginnings, the beginning of a new cycle and also looks like the
Moon Goddess smiling down on them in the night sky.
Vow Renewal
The Handfasting Renewal was the original Vow Renewal Ceremony.
Hand-fasting is the old Celtic tradition of binding two people in love
together (like matrimony). It was traditionally performed on May 1st
(although any day that the couple wishes is fine too), and those who
were handfasted renewed their vows if they chose to stay together and
were accepted into their community as a new family, which is what our
culture does upon the initial Wedding Ceremony.
Why are more people renewing their wedding vows?
- After the birth of a child or recovery of traumatic event or illness;
- Because of a pending separation by distance or call of duty;
- Because of tender wishes to revisit their commitment to each other;
- Because of a "quickie" marriage that didn't hold much meaning;
- Because of separation or problems and desiring to reconcile with ceremony;
- Because it is a fun way to celebrate your anniversary, regardless of the number of years.
If you choose to send out invitations, "Bride's All New Book of
Etiquette," recommends the following wording: "The honor of your
presence is requested at the reaffirmation of the wedding vows of Mr.
and Mrs. John Smith" etc. (the same as a wedding). Handwritten notes
could be written for a less formal event. Wilderness Weddings also
issues a Special Renewal Certificate at the end of the ceremony.
Have you thought of bridesmaids? If you decide on bridesmaids, choose
dresses that could be reused. What is the ceremony like? The same as a
wedding with the same or new vows, an outdoor wedding or indoor, quiet,
traditional or wild and crazy! You can still wear your first dress or
your mom's dress or a whole new look with any color you wish! What
about the ring part? You can use your first rings or have new ones for
the special occasion. Your kids can be a part of it, as ring bearer and
flower girl, maid of honor, best man, etc. Your budget and formality
will dictate selection of a disc jockey or band. Don't forget the
photographer, flowers, and favors. Consider having a table set up at
the reception with family photos, and mementos of your marriage.
The Bouquet
The earth laughs in flowers;
A flower is love looking for a word.
At its inception, the bouquet formed part of the wreaths and garlands
worn by both the bride and groom. It was considered a symbol of
happiness. Originally bridal wreaths and bouquets were made of herbs,
which had magical and meaningful definitions for the couple's future
life. Traditional Celtic bouquets included ivy, thistle and heather.
Ancient uses included herbs, not flowers, in bouquets because they felt
herbs -- especially garlic -- had the power to cast off evil spirits
(can you imagine walking up the aisle holding a clump of garlic!?). If
a bride carried sage (the herb of wisdom) she became wise; if she
carried dill (the herb of lust) she became lusty. Flower girls carried
sheaves of wheat, a symbol of growth, fertility, and renewal. Later,
flowers replaced herbs and took on meanings all their own. Orange
blossoms, for example, mean happiness and fertility. Ivy means
fidelity; lilies mean purity.
The Best Man
Many centuries ago, before the women's rights movement, men who had
decided upon a wife often had to forcefully take her with him (or
kidnap her) if her family did not approve of him. The tradition of a
"best man" probably has its origin with the Germanic Goths, when it was
customary and preferable for a man to marry a woman from within his own
community. When women came into short supply "locally," eligible
bachelors would have to seek out and capture a bride from a neighboring
community. As you might guess this was not a one-person operation, and
so the future bridegroom would be accompanied by a male companion who
would help. Our custom of the best man is a throwback to that two-man,
strong-armed tactic, for, of course the future groom would select only
the best man he knew to come long for such an important task.
The role of the best man evolved. By 200 AD his task was still more
than just safeguarding the ring. There remained a real threat that the
bride's family would attempt to obtain her return forcibly, so the best
man remained at the groom's side throughout the marriage ceremony,
alert and well-armed. He continued his duties after the ceremony by
standing guard as sentry outside the newlywed's home. Much of this is
German folklore, but is not without written documentation and physical
artifacts. We have records that indicate that beneath the altars of
many churches of early peoples (the Huns, Goths, Visigoths, and
Vandals) there lay an arsenal of clubs, knives, and spears. The
indication is that these were there to protect the groom from possible
attack by the bride's family in an attempt to recapture her.
Traditionally, the bride stands to the left side of the groom. This was
much more than meaningless etiquette. Among the Northern European
barbarians (a name given to them by the Romans), a groom placed his
captured bride to his left to protect her, as he kept his right hand
free to use for defense. Also originating from this practice of
abduction, which literally swept a bride off her feet, sprang the later
symbolic act of carrying the bride across the threshold of her new
home. It may well be that even the honeymoon had its origin with this
capture scenario. It may well have served as a cooling-off period for
the bride's family. It was the groom's hope that when the newlyweds
returned from their honeymoon that all would be forgiven.
Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, and a silver sixpence in her shoe.
This good luck saying dates back to Victorian times and many brides try
to arrange their wedding attire accordingly. Something old represents
the link with the bride's family and the past. Many brides choose to
wear a piece of antique family jewelry or a mother's or grandmother's
wedding gown. Something new represents good fortune and success in the
bride's new life. The wedding gown is often chosen as the new item.
Something borrowed is to remind the bride that friends and family will
be there for her when help is needed. The borrowed object might be
something such as a lace handkerchief. Something blue is the symbol of
faithfulness and loyalty. Often the blue item is the garter. A silver
sixpence in her shoe is to wish the bride wealth.
Giving Away The Bride
The father who "gives away" his daughter at her wedding ceremony is
following an ancient tradition that has evolved over hundreds, if not
thousands, of years. The custom dates back to the time when a daughter
was considered property, and the groom had to pay a price to her family
before he could be permitted to marry his intended.
Another theory is that it symbolized the transition of authority from
the bride's father to her husband as she moved from the parental home
to the conjugal home. Today, many brides follow this custom, but its
meaning has emerged as an outward approval of the groom by the parents
or family of the bride.
In old times, female children were deemed to be the property of their
fathers. When it came time for the daughter to marry and her father
approved of the arrangement, he was actually transferring ownership of
his daughter to the groom. Today, the act of giving the bride away is
symbolic of her parents' blessing of the marriage to the chosen groom.
Women who consider this tradition archaic, or who have lived
independently for years before their wedding, can eliminate this custom
entirely or revise it to include their mother, brother, stepfather or
any other significant member of the family. Some brides even elect to
walk down the aisle alone.
Shoes Tied on the Car Bumper
Brides' shoes once were considered to be symbols of authority and
possession. They used to be taken from her when she was led to the
wedding place, and given to the groom by her father, effecting the
transfer of his authority to her husband and as a sign that the husband
now had possession of her (and she couldn't run away). The new husband
then tapped her on the head to show his new role as her master.
It is obvious why this doesn't continue, but it helps to explain why we
tie shoes to the back of the get-away car. Incidentally, the
ever-popular horn honking has its beginnings in the days when brides
traveled in open carriages. They were an easy target for evil spirits,
so defenders would use bells and firecrackers to scare them away. No
chance of any spirits getting in your way -- it's honeymoon or bust!
Carrying The Bride Over The Threshold
Generations ago it was considered lady-like for the new bride to be, or
to appear to be, hesitant to "give herself" to her new husband, whether
or not she truly was. At the threshold to the bridal chamber, the
husband would often have to carry the bride over to encourage her to go
in. An older meaning is that during the days of "Marriage by Capture,"
the bride was certainly not going to go peacefully into the
bridegroom's abode; thus, she was dragged or carried across the
threshold.
Veils
The veil originally symbolized the bride's virginity, innocence, and
modesty. The veil can be traced back to Roman times when it was a
complete head to toe cover (that was later used as her burial shroud!).
This symbolism has been lost over the years but the veil is still
customarily worn. In some Middle Eastern and Asian cultures, the veil
was worn to hide the bride's face completely from the groom who had
never seen her. Only after they were married would the groom be allowed
the lift the veil to see his new wife's face.
